A New Road Ahead

lashes and browsIt is early Sunday morning and I am enjoying a nice cup of coffee on this crisp/cold morning.  I have a smile on my face and a warm feeling in my heart.  But… I still feel some slight anxiety and excitement for the next phase in my life.

I am currently enrolled in a microblading course, I will start full time aesthetics courses the beginning of October and I am will be taking a lash extension course in November, and work, all while juggling my 2 awesome young kids as a single mom.

I will eventually get my butt back to my premed course too.  I would be ecstatic if I can get to my RN or PA degree.

I am going to brag and say I am pretty bad ass with my passion in succeeding. I am finally getting back into an industry I always had a passion for.  (Skin/Beauty)

I have been blessed working for a wonderful general practioner for the last 8 years.  (He may be retiring, hens the new road ahead for me).  My doctor has spoiled me with my allowing me flexible hours, being a mom first, and not having to deal with the daily employee bullshit (since it has always been me and my doc).  For this reason, I am going to open my own business and focus on the flexibility I can have working for myself so I can be a mother to my kids when they need me.

I hope to have all the support from friends and family in my next venture.  I would ask for people to wish me luck… but I don’t want luck… I would like to ask people to wish me success.



Feeling Numb? or wanting too?

Productive busy, non-productive, going through the motions, can we, can I, ignoring my feelings, trying to analyze my feelings, trying to find answers, not wanting answers, trying to relax, feeling guilty relaxing….  This is what my life is like on a daily.

I haven’t slept in weeks and I finally took some OTC meds, (Advil PM) to get a good 3 hours…  WOOHOO!!! I have no problems going to sleep, but once I am up (2hrs later).. I won’t go back to sleep till 5:30am or not at all.   My mind races about stupid things I have no control over. Things in my past that I can’t change.

I’ve tried the boring reading, the History channel (I get engrossed), I’ve listened to audible (get engrossed again)… nothing.

I feel like my life is at a stand still.  (which it is). “Is this MY choice?”,  I ask.  I can’t move forward until I let go of the past. (This is what I keep reading in all my self-help books.)  The problem is, my past is still not behind me.  I am still a married (separated) woman.  It has been since April 12, 2015 since he has left and I had 1 rebound boyfriend for 4mths and decided that was not a great idea.  I have since been a single mom, an unavailable (unattached) woman, a working woman, a woman who is trying to find the light at the end of this tunnel.  I have kept my mouth shut (even though so many times I’ve wanted to text…”GET THIS SHIT OVER WITH!!!!! or come back home” would I really want him back???(sigh)) to my wasband, but have decided against it.  I will hold out and look the part of being in control (even though I know this is far from the truth).  I am hurting.


This is a beautiful photo my sister took back in the summer of 2010, after we had Aspen and I was so in love with this man.  I was so in-love with my life.  This is what true happiness looks and feels like.

Recently, I’ve had numerous people say, “you look great, you’re glowing, you look happy, etc..” “WoW!!” I say, “can I act.” I just smile and say, THANKS! and nothing more.  I am tired of hearing myself talk about the same old, sob story of being a divorcee, raising 2 young beautiful children.   Because, in reality..it sucks!!!!  But I HAVE to be a SUPER mom!!!  because I CAN do it all, and I DO!!!

I’ve had someone near to me say I am selfish, that it’s all about me… “WoW” was my reaction to that statement.   I guess someone’s else’s perception is their reality, but I know it doesn’t have to be mine.  I know the truth and I can look in the mirror and be proud of what I have done for others; my mom, my kids, my boss, my patients, my friends… I also know that it takes 2 people to mess up a relationship, (be it friends, lovers, family)… It is never a one-sided story.   – This is another issue, I have no control over and it must take its course, just as my divorce does.

So, I guess in some ways I feel I am divorcing 2 important people in my life.  People that I thought would be there to love me “just the way I am”, good, bad, and imperfect.

I am not looking for answers, I am not looking for sympathy… I am looking for people who can just stand with me; beside me to walk the path with me, behind me; just in case I fall.

I know the Lord above is with me every day and for that I am grateful!  My life is the way HE wants it to be.. I just need to learn the lesson he is teaching me.

-From someone who is lonely,  who is still hopeful and in love with my past


Haven Conference, Atlanta

Just got home from an amazing conference.  I was overwhelmed by all the information, and biggest thing I learned from everyone was to stay true to myself.  “Be authentic”, “stay true to who you are”.  These are the things I heard repeated many times.  So, I plan on doing this.  I am a strong woman with a big mouth and a big heart!!!

They also would say, when you leave here with this vast information to focus on one thing only… So, my goal is to write and post at least once a month.  This is a big goal considering I have NO time to myself.

I met some amazing women that I hope I can keep in touch with.  I hope to have some followers and educators from them.

It was “bittersweet” for me because so many of these women have the support of a loving husband to back them up, relieve them from other duties, be there for just a shoulder… so of course it made me think of my own relationship that I thought WAS amazing.  I teared up many times addressing who I am, why I came down to this conference, and where I plan on forging ahead.  I am still scared, I am still angered, I still love…

Now I move forward with what God has given me.  I now make a new plan for my life and my children, and I hope I have the support and guidance from some amazing woman I met this last week.


Ready…Set… GO!!!! Here I come Atlanta!

I will be heading off to the HOT city of HOTlanta!!!  I am so excited to be setting off with my “sister in crime” Laura for a big weekend of DIY’ing and enjoying the southern hospitality of other ladies!

I am looking forward to just being….. being able to look around the city, people watching, relaxing, taking on all the sites and soaking up the humidity and heat. 🙂

Maybe I can sweat off some of these added pounds off me… maybe I should wear a insulated workout suit to help with this. 🙂  Since I have no idea what to pack and wear. (hate all this added weight) Not looking cute in anything I have! Oh well… what the hell!!!

Wish me luck!!!

Bad Moms!!! (Me and the movie)

This movie is SO worth seeing and buying when it comes out.  This should be seen by all moms who have kids in school (before the PTA) even starts.  We as parents are everything to our little ones.  We MOMS try to accomplish the holy grail for our offspring.  We want to be the best we can for them, and IT IS exhausting.

I never thought I would be a single mom raising 2 awesome little ones, age 3 and 6…but reality hit and here I am!!! (This is the bitter and the sweet.)  Mila K. is so me, just as it is many single mothers out there working full time, taking them to school, trying to have extra curricular activities and still spend quality time with them when we are ALL home.

I’ve always said, (when I am carrying EVERYTHING in my arms),  “I wish God made women with 4 arms and still beautiful.” I am a 1 trip kind of mom.  I want to get everything out/in my house in 1 trip, that means purse, kids, backpacks, grocery bags, etc., so I can save time.

Mila K. driving is SO me too.  While driving to see this movie and meet my sister, (I was running late from making dinner for the kids, giving them their baths, setting up their Kindles while G-ma watched them for the 2 hours I was away). I got pulled over by my wonderful Newcastle Sheriff for going 55 in a 35.  When he pulled me over, he asked how fast I thought I was going, I told him “not fast enough, if I didn’t outrun him”.  I proceeded to tell him, I know he pulled me over for speeding and not my good looks.  He got a chuckle and thank the Lord above, I was able to talk my way out of it (and also knowing his co-worker) was very helpful!!  Thank you Steve for being my sheriff friend!

So, off I go to meet my sister and BIL and enjoyed an awesome movie, where I laughed so hard, could relate in so many areas, and appreciated being a mother so much more!!!

After the movie, my sister (Laura) did say, Mila is so me and I, so her!  Great compliment!

Under Construction!


Both my site and ME…

As you can see, I only have one post (thanks Laura for not helping me).  LOL  Still figuring out my design choice and set up, etc. but excited to create this blog to help with my OWN CONSTRUCTION (if you read, my sister keeps telling me to find myself – didn’t realize I was lost? teehee) but there have been so many changes since the year ago of my even signing up for WordPress.

My goal here is to share some of the Bitter and Sweet moments of my life (along with my two beautiful children) and my family.  I am also ‘constructing’ a new Single Mom Life (impending divorce) but am grateful to God for still having some of the wonderful things in my life (like my children) and I hope to be able to ask other Single Mom’s their advice and/or share some of my own insight.

Along with all of this, I want to share some of my other goals of DIY’ing my home.  As my sister said, finding ME involves also learning to align my home that FITS ME and my style(s).  Will be fun… (I hope)!

Thank you for letting me share and please come back and check in periodically to see the transformations and updates.



Hello world!

This is MY VERY FIRST POST!!!! My sister, Laura McDaniel has been telling me I need to FIND MYSELF.  She said I should spend time thinking about who I am, what I want, and how to accomplish this task.   Why does my sister have to be so frickin’ smart?  And by this comment, I mean “smart ass”.  Love you Laura…

I have been asking myself the question, “WHO am I?” so many times and still haven’t come up with an answer for MYSELF.  I still identify myself as a “part” of someone or something.  I am a wife (maybe an EX), a mother, a full time worker, a busy woman.   This is how I identify myself right now.

My sister asked me to think about the hobbies I like, well….. hobbies???? with what time???  I collect a lot of crap in my house if that counts, since I don’t have time to clean out my magazine stacks. Ha-Ha!!! I am an avid collector then.  hee-hee

So maybe writing things down and sharing them will help me find my identity.  Maybe sharing my accomplishments, failures, struggles, dreams will help me find out who I am and what I want out of my life.

So, this is where my journey begins….

Hope I can hike in my high heels!!!!!